3 Myths About Confidence To Drop
Myth #1: You can think your way into it.
You need more than an inspirational Instagram quote. They can be great but confidence is a feeling, right? You feel in your brain and body.
To really feel and project a confident presence, you need both your mind and body working together.
If your shoulders are clenched from stress, low self-esteem, or from hunching over a computer, your mind will feel clenched, small and low energy making it tough to hang on to a motivational quote.
However, if your body is aligned in a way that you can breathe easier and you unstick long-held stress, you’ll release “feel-good hormones” like dopamine and oxytocin to your brain letting it know that all is good.
Instead of closed, your brain will be opened up to creative possibilities and then it can integrate motivation, inspiration and strategy on all levels.
Myth #2: Confidence equals being loud and pushy
One day I was working with a client who said “I want to promote myself but I don’t want to be like one of those bragging a**holes.” True, none of us wants to be that. But for a lot of us that’s how our brains have subconsciously categorized confidence over the years.
But, we know it really isn’t one or the other. We know that there’s a big, wide area between being loud, abrasive and non-collaborative and being a quiet wallflower. And while we, as smart women, know this logically, we’ve had years of subtle and not-so-subtle conditioning telling us otherwise that we need to consciously drop (e.g. be quiet, don’t step on toes, who do you think you are).
It’s not about extremes. You can be an introvert AND confident. You can be quiet AND powerful.
When I taught yoga, I could have a student make one tiny, almost imperceptible, shift in their body and the whole pose and feeling became instantly stronger. Subtle doesn’t mean not powerful.
Myth #3: You either have it or you don’t.
This is where I see the perfectionist side of ambitious women get the best of them. They say “I know. I really should be better at this confidence thing. I don’t know why I’m not.” And then they proceed to give themselves a really, really hard time.
Sure, some people seem naturally confident when they lead their team, pitch ideas, or make a speech. But they learned that skill. Maybe they learned at a younger age and it’s natural now but the thing is they learned it. And you can too.
You wouldn’t expect to step on a tennis court and play like a pro. You would have to practice. A lot. Just like other skills, public speaking, communicating with clarity, and knowing how to tap into your power are all practice. And the more you practice, the better you get at it. There are a multitude of ways you can do it.
You can learn to:
· breathe better so you speak from your center and project your voice calmly
· hold your body with presence (and, no, it doesn’t have to be a power stance)
· meditate (in a way that clicks for you) that gets you focused and calm
· support yourself physically and energetically
· practice and refine your pitch (with someone who IS NOT your friend, family or colleague) until it’s second nature to you
Get rid of the myth that you either have it or you don’t. And also, please stop beating yourself up if it’s not at the level you want yet. You completely, 100% have the ability to change it.